Wednesday, 7 November 2012

The Tirade of a Bitchy Waitress


Waitressing is an unfortunate but necessary experience that a large majority of the world must endure at some time in their lives. It isn't glamorous, enjoyable or particularly lucrative but it is a job that will always be found somewhere, and so we find ourselves filling this unhappy role in the hospitality industry as a "step" in our life plans.

A place holder in our lives, often explained as " just until I get,- my big break, -on my feet, - something better" type position.
It is a very educational job in many ways but that is a small comfort when you are actually toiling away as a modern day servant. 

You learn how to prioritise, multitask and develop your "work smile" which you will most likely need to don every single work day for the rest of your life. You will improve your people skills and learn to read a person as well as understand how best to approach them. 
You learn to deal with arseholes, basically.
How best to placate that one miserable human being who is simply determined to be a total prat and ruin you day. A warning to you - I normally get more than one!!! 

It is a job that I have a great deal of difficulty with. 
I'm not very keen on human beings as is, being a waitress has only served as a catalyst for my increased dislike. My ideal job is one where I need to interact with other homosapiens as little as is possible, so you can understand how working is a fast paced coffee whop constantly occupied with idiots from whom I must take orders is a trial!

I flatter myself in saying I am rather good at acting so no one is wise to my hatred for humanity. I smile and greet everyone, I laugh, I crack jokes. I know all our regulars by name and enquire in a caring and friendly manner as to how their poorly dog is, or "how was your grandson's birthday". Holidays, homes, pets, family and town scandals. I know them all! 

What drives me crazy is how tremendously rude people can be. Forget common courtesy! It's a thing of the past, my friend!
I have folk snapping their fingers at me and calling, "Waitress, waitress!" to me daily. THEY KNOW ME BY NAME! Yet still, they seek to make my position in life so crystal clear that they can beckon to me with a snap of their fingers and have me tripping over myself to serve them. Really? Where  is the need? In the words of my lovely eccentric dope-smoking granny, "manners don't cost you anything,". This is something I think everyone should be taught!

Yes, I'm a waitress. It's my job to serve you but that is no excuse to treat me horribly! People of the world I implore you!! Be kind to the young person who is serving you! If they can go a full day of dealing with the mean people of the world and still smile genuinely at you when you come in then they are deserving of a break - AND A TIP!

If any of my readers are the finger snapping kind, please stop. 
You're an overwhelming prat.

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